Have you asked yourself, “Why am I unhappy“? and thought “What am I doing wrong?“, these are valid questions and you might not realize you’re doing these 5 things that prevent you from becoming happy.

People from different ages, backgrounds, and cultures have their definitions of happiness. Dictionary.com define happiness as the quality or state of being happy, good fortune; pleasure; contentment; or joy.

Despite the definition being so simple, the real meaning of happiness is unique for everyone.

Know about the 5 honest reasons why you are unhappy.

Find out if any of these reasons apply to you:

1. You forget to live in the moment

Many things happen here and there that makes us unhappy and that often we forget to live in the moment. Every time we breathe, it’s already a moment. This means we’re alive in the present.

Don’t you agree that our circumstances, our surroundings, and our needs distract us to live in the moment?

If something very impacting or something that pained us happened in the past (e.g. failure at work, relationship, business, etc), we tend to think of it again and again, and it’s normal.

However this is also the reason we forget about being in the moment because we’re dwelling in the past, or we’re worrying too much about our future.

Think of what you’re doing now.

If you failed at work, think of the action you’re doing at the moment. Is that helping you get back on your feet and start again?

Just a little scenario to think about, maybe that failure at work means you lost the job. It must have disappointed you and you are thinking you're just a mistake as a whole.

It will be devastating if you do not have enough savings, had many unpaid bills, and don't know where your life is going now. (This is just an example scenario)

Instead of blaming yourself and pointing fingers, accept that it already happened. That is your "now", that job was already your "past". You must tell yourself what exactly is your situation.

If it's painful, it's better for you to feel the pain than conceal it.

At this stage, it may not be the ideal situation yet, but you’re giving yourself the time to move on from the past and be in the present moment. That will slowly help you realize the things that you need to do.

Once you feel tired, give yourself a rest. If you live with your family or someone, join them when having meals, and talk with them.

If you see some clutter, try picking up one thing or two. Take small steps and eventually, you’ll be amazed at what those small steps brought you.

No one can tell what exactly will happen in the future. Instead of thinking too much about it, take small actions to keep moving forward.

If you’re interested in learning something for example, go ahead and try it yourself. While you’re taking those steps to move on from the past and working for your future, you’re living in your present.

2. You are afraid of changes and possibilities

A change in any situation isn’t easy at all. Having the uncertainty of what will happen, and there’s no one to tell your future can result in fear of trying something new.

When you’re within your comfort zone, it makes you feel “okay“, maybe you’re also contented with where you are at, which is a good thing. But having fear to try new things could make you unhappy too.

Let's take one of your favorite dishes as an example. Think about it for a minute, what dish makes you happy and feel good? (While I write this, I suddenly became hungry thinking of my favorite dish too).

You must have the dish in mind now -- there is, or maybe a version of the dish that you like the most. Maybe the type of meat or vegetables, or spices added.

In short, you like that version and you're most comfortable with it. No matter how delicious that dish is, if you'll be eating that continuously, your taste bud will no longer appreciate its flavor and you'll get fed up with it.

Even if it is your favorite food, you will get tired of eating it continuously without having a break from its taste. 

That same goes in life, maybe you’ve been doing things so repetitively. You used to enjoy what you were doing, and you’re thinking about what went wrong.

Little did you realize that you’re just in the same loop, and you’re afraid to try something new to break that loop.

The bottom line is when things that used to make you excited are now making you sick, then it’s time for you to consider making some changes in your routine.

Think about the other possibilities out there. You will not know if something will work for you until you do it. Don’t you feel excited when you’re trying out new things?

Don’t be scared of taking risks. Make a realistic plan for yourself and do one thing at a time. Having a plan will help you get ready for the change you’re making.

Be open to these new experiences that await you. You will be able to adapt to these changes if you set your mind to it.

3. You are overly aiming for perfection

If you want a perfect world, sadly there really isn’t. There is nothing wrong with wanting the best in life and striving for excellence.

At the end of the day, we all want the best life possible. However, perfectionism is different. It can have a negative impact on you because you will be overly critical of yourself.

This results in thinking what you’re doing aren’t enough. Even if you think you’re doing everything correctly, you’ll find mistakes everywhere and it will automatically make you unhappy.

This will make you feel less valuable and you will lose the ability to recognize your wins. Thoughts like “I‘m miserable” will start to occur and you will become frustrated with everything.

You can begin by allowing yourself to make mistakes. Be a little kinder to yourself and focus on the positive things around you.

When there are mistakes or unexpected errors, think about whether it is worth your time being stressed about it. Aren’t there more valuable things to do or think about?

When you lower the pressure you put on yourself, you’re able to see things differently. There is a famous saying:

The secret of happiness is to count your blessings while others are adding up their troubles.

-William Penn

Look around you, and start appreciating the things that you’ve made.

You can try to create a journal and write what you already have. You’ll be surprised, there are more beautiful things than you think.

4. You are physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted

When you’re tired, it can make you feel sad, irritable, and hopeless. This is not only when you’re physically tired. Even more, if you’re emotionally tired.

Happiness is an emotion, so it just makes sense if being tired emotionally also makes you feel unhappy.

You must be preoccupied with many things or feel stuck on something. If you have recently gone through a very stressful event in your life, it affects your interest in things that make you happy.

Fun things feel like a chore. You will have no energy to do it and it is usually the time you are isolating yourself.

The best way to deal with this exhaustion is to take a break. Give yourself a space where you can reset your mind and regain your energy. This includes eating a healthy diet, staying hydrated, and getting enough sleep.

Remember that no one will take care of you and will suffer for not loving yourself, more than you are. If you’re a working individual, consider taking off from work if possible.

There are leave credits for a reason, utilize them. When you give yourself time to rest and free your mind for some time, take this chance to connect with your friends and family.

Consider going somewhere else, rest your mind and try out new things.

Also read: Is 2023 calling you to travel? Check these 5 signs!

5. You are not happy for other people.

Does this sound ironic? You must be thinking, “Why should I need to be happy for other people when I am not even happy for myself“?

The truth is you only thought of this question because you stop celebrating wins for others. There’s a bitterness that needs to be gotten rid of.

Do remember, this doesn’t mean you’re a bad person at all. This is just a reminder that no one is perfect and negativity happens.

Among the list here, this is one of the most challenging to do. Being happy for others means you’re delighted when you see others are happy.

It sounds easy but this is particularly difficult when someone did something bad to you, or it could be because you couldn’t help but compare yourself to them.

You may feel like they’re getting ahead in life, while you’re also undervaluing yourself.

The energy you radiate toward others will return to you. If you exude positive energy, the same will come back to you.

Remember the time you were happy about someone's achievement?

Maybe it's your brother getting an award at school, your friend winning a raffle draw at the party, or your favorite player winning the game.

Think about it, you were happy at that moment for them, not for yourself.

Even if you're originally joyful for their wins, you became happy yourself.

Once you reach the point in life where you’re happy to see others’ happiness, when you became supportive of their success, it also brings happiness to your soul and life.

If some of these seem familiar to you, don’t feel bad. Instead, consider these as reminders of what you need to check yourself. These things happen to anyone, maybe in a different form, but we all felt this emotion of being unhappy.

It’s not too late to find happiness in life. Remember these 5 things you choose to do to be happy:

1. Live in the moment
2. Welcome changes and possibilities
3. Be a non-perfectionist
4. Give your physical, mental, and emotional self a break
5. Be genuinely happy for others

You can practice happiness daily, and I look forward to you finding things that make you happy.